I'm so sick and tired of everything.

Campfire.
Guides.
Syf.
Family.
Assignments.
Campfire.
Guides.
Syf.
Family.
Assignments.

THere's 5 things on my head everytime. Never fail. I do not know how I'm suppose to handle everything. There's only 4 days to opening of school. 2 Days to campfire. I Don't know how i'm going to complete my hw in 2 days??? Is that possible? With Projects as well. Not only that, I even have SYF during school time. OMG. I think i'll die and break down soon. Hahas. funny how I choose to do certain things. Really funny. It's not amusing but I just felt as though my tears won't come out to release. I can't cry anymore. Even if it's on the brim of my eye, it fails to roll down my cheeks.

Sometimes, it really helps me. But, now, it doesn't want to. I Don't understand why. Even when I need someone during some of the worst times, they refuse to help me. Not really in my face refusal. But, definitely non-cooperative. Oh well, I guess I have to handle things on my own now. My parents kept emphasizing on me doing too much. Look, I'm not the only one. In fact, my friends work harder than me. And they could still maintain their other commitments. I don't understand why. WHY?! TIME MANAGEMENT. Easy to say, hard to accomplished. I can just say the factors that are affecting me. I can, but, I can never do certain things. I Have no life. damn it. I'm totally deprive of it. One day, I'll just break down one more time.

Today was perhaps one of the worse day ever. I didn't go for something. I know i'm stupid. And i'm at loss. I seriously am. I know i'm suppose to be angry with myself. But, i ask myself: is guides all about getting badges? Are we suppose to be christmas trees? I know you want to. But, is it really important. Hmmm, maybe to show off to other CCAs is your method of bringing up the name. Is that so? I see... I see now. I finally saw it. I know our main objective to bring up our name. But, there are factors that are going us. The objective of being a girl guide is to help others. I want to bring up our name but ... There are factors. there are... But, we refuse to acknowledge it as our main problem..


I'm foolish and stupid to not force myself to wake up. But, the habit is there. That I can never kick it out. Then, my main weak points drag me down as a person. I know. But, I hate. I REALLY HATE people telling me to change. I'll do it when I want to. There is a time. there is a moment. but there are so many factors hitting on me that I refuse to change for the better.

Maybe after this campfire, I would seclude myself from everyone to get my life back on track. Hais.. Tml is going to be another long day. Man, i'm so sick of the school already.

During sYF, I fall out. I couldn't take it anymore. I told myself to hang on. Since, we're going to march soon. but, After the first row did, they had to redo. I could not take it. The cool wind blew. And That triggered it all. I squad down. And a red cross help me out. Then, I went and rest. I didn't feel guilty, It's just that my empty stomach was causing me so much pain. I should have eaten my lunch. After I got back, I felt better but three pieces of oreo did not match a lunch. And I even finished a bottle of water. =( Oh well, it's ok. The trainning and all. Sameer is so cute!!!!!!!! Well, handsome actually. He's so man... hahas.. bleahs..